Not so Gaga over Grammy

OMG: I just realized Mario Cantone is my mother! Okay, wait, that's impossible. But I just saw the comic's acerbic Grammy review on The View Monday, and it was like reliving Sunday's broadcast with my mom's commentary running as the colorful play-by-play. Both Mom and Mario had some choice observations about Lady Gaga's get-ups. Mario: "she thought she'd relax in an outfit that makes her look like the Winter Warlock." Mom: "What's all that schmutz on her face about?" Mom didn't get Elton's mambo mutant Ninja earring either. Or those decorative arms-- discards from the "fame factory"-- that adorned the piano. "What is this early Halloween?" would be the popular refrain of the evening.

Pink's damp costume and ( actually amazing) Cirque de Soleil tricks, Beyonce's Tina Turner moves and the Black Eyed Peas garnered quips from both pundits. Mario's commentary about the Peas was a tad more R-rated (especially for morning TV) than Mom's. He thought the back-up dancers looked like a particular part of the female anatomy with which he may not be all that familiar. Mom just said they looked like "aliens." No wait, she edited herself, "they're robots." No, "They're alien robots from another planet." Thanks for clearing that up, Mom

And the lyrics to most of the songs eluded both Mario and Mom. At one point during the Eminem, Rap act, I think, they were bleeped. No need, as Mario and Mom pointed out, you can't understand them anyway. Mario said he was dialing his cable company for a refund. "I'm not paying for those three hours. I want a credit." Mom didn't make the claim, but I bet she was thinking it."The whole thing is giving me a headache already, " Mom lamented as we pushed through the show's interminable first hour.

She dozed off before the lackluster Michael Jackson 3D tribute, which unless you were--as Mario pointed out--one of the nine people with the special glasses--only looked blurry. And a tad boring.

There were highlights: among them The Zac Brown Band playing with Leon Russell( Mom: "Santa Claus missed the last Sleigh home. Mario: They gave Father Time a life time achievement award); Maxwell singing with Roberta Flack and Taylor Swift singing with her childhood icon; Stevie Nicks, who as both Mario and I(uh, oh, I'm morphing into Mom, too) pointed out has been sporting the same do and the same flowy black dress from the wiccan catalogue since the '70's.


Beyonce won six Grammys--the most by any female artist on a single show--including song of the year. But record honors went to the deserving Kings of Leon, and the album of the year was Taylor Swift's Fearless. The Zac Brown Band got best new artist honors. And one of Westchester's former favorite sons,Louden Wainwright III won his first Grammy for best traditional folk album. Gaga didn't score any of the top prizes, but the Madonna of the new generation didn't go home empty-handed. Along with her costumes she got to schlep Grammys for both electronic/dance song and album of the year. Congrats to all.

Oh, and Quentin Tarantino: Mario's Aunt wants her blouse back. Wait, I'm pretty sure that's the same blouse my Aunt Frieda wore to my cousin's baby shower in 1978. Maybe we are related.

And Lady Gaga's alien- from-the- green-lagoon costume will give Mom nightmares for weeks. Be on the look-out for our new show, "Watching TV with Mom" It will be a huge hit. On No Tube.

Oh, and all that ringing in your ears, Mom? No extra charge.

Drive safe. Play nice. Think peace.

aba