Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Selective Hearing

I think Sean Hannity and Bill O'Reilly took Lindsey Graham out to dinner the other night and stuffed him silly with knuckle sandwiches and pitchers of bitter GOP Kool Aid. How else can you explain his abrupt mood shift from day one of the Sotomayor confirmation hearings to day two?

In his opening statement, Sen. Graham graciously acknowledged, "You're going to get confirmed. Unless you have a meltdown, which I don't see happening." The next day, he came in fixin' for a fight, brimming with reports from " unnamed" lawyers suggesting the nominee was a bully on the bench. "Do you have a temperament problem?" Excuse me, Senator. You're saying Judge Sotomayor, who handled a tough grilling on everythinmg from abortion rights to affirmative action and the Second Amendment with authority, grace and humor needs anger management classes? Come on. She even managed to spin cartwheels around countless questions by you, Sen. Sessions, Coburn et al on her unfortunate " wise Latina woman" comment. Over and over. And she did it with the million dollar smile her pal the cosmetic dentist designed and a cast on her leg!

Look, I'm not saying you shouldn't ask tough questions of a nominee for the highest appointed gig in the land. It's a lifetime deal, I get that. And you don't agree with her philosophically, I know. But, let's not make her out to be some crazy left-wing thug. She's got seventeen pretty moderate years ( so moderate some real libs aren't thrilled with her either) on the bench.

And she's not having a meltdown. She's getting confirmed. She saved baseball, for God's sake. She is the face of America. Deal with it.

But just imagine how much more entertaining these hearings would be if we had a different nominee, someone like say, Judge Judy. Or Nancy Grace. Either of these firebrands could easily have a meltdown of nuclear proportion, one that would leave the Capitol all aglow. Like Chernobyl.

So take a sip from your GOP Kool Aid, Sen. Graham, close your eyes and lean back in your over-sized Senate hearing chair. Here's a snippet from Judge Judy's fantasy hearing:

Judge Judy: Don't pee on my leg and tell me it's raining. Sen.Graham.

Don't even try that one on me, Sen. Sessions. On your best day, you're not half as smart as I am on my worst day.

Beauty fades, as you well know, Sen. Coburn, dumb is forever.

And now a glimpse from Nancy Grace's hearing:

Nancy: Put Hatch up on the screen. Put him up. I want to see his face
when I don't answer that ridiculous question. I know they're guilty. I don't have time to sort out the facts. In case you didn't know, Michael Jackson's still dead. And I haven't read the " Tot Mom's" commissary list in weeks. Listen to this, Hatch, she's feasting on beef jerky and Velveeta. And she's luxuriating in her 8 by 10 cell, doing her nails, too, in something called "Pretty in Pink Prisoner." That's right, get Hatch back up there. I said, Pretty in Pink beef jerky, Senator.

Ah, what combustible fun it would be.

But back here in the real world, Sonia Sotomayor will easily slip into the big robe. As you said, so eloquently on that first sane day, Sen. Graham, " elections have consequences." And one of them is the President gets to fill in the new Supremes.

Just wait 'til he has to fill a vacancy from your side of the bench. Get ready to smuggle in lunch from Rush Limbaugh's ex-housekeeper. But, don't worry. Obama might be in a generous mood. He might even fly in the Dancing Itos for halftime entertainment.

Drive safe. Play nice. Think peace.


1 comment:

Unknown said...

Remarkable and right on the mark as usual. Keep up the good work on this blog.